The Weekend

Time and time again, a phenomena occurs. A weekend where nothing makes sense but everything seems right. Blurry memories, desperate confusion, uncomfortably blissful yet comfortably numb. Always moving, shifting, revolving. Flashes of light and memories tumbling around in a delirious mind. Cheering, Laughing, Running, Hiding. Mixed emotions suppressed by an over saturation of the mind and body. In and out, sleepless nights and tired mornings. Monetary failure and unclear eyes. Time and time again this phenomena occurs, where everything is okay - and nothing is exactly right.

sleep

Slowing down, his pulse is dropping. Electricity fires less and less in the brain. Moving in synch with the erratic beat of his music. Thoughts end before they begin, rythm takes over. Spinning, reality crashes to a halt. Slowing, heart beat is weak. Laying in his bed - he plummets into bliss.

Jittery

Jittering. His leg never stops. Constantly moving, searching, roaming. Looking for what cannot be found. Restless turning at night. Laughless and sleepless, morning comes all too quick. Futher into ceasless chain of thought. A young man is weary, of time that is spent: in contemplation of his life, both vibrant and dull. So here he sits, another restless night. Alone in his room, just lost in his thoughts.

Comfortably Cynical

When life kicks us down, oh so many times,
We learn to look for the best in everything.
But when life kicks us down, just one too many times,
We learn to stop putting our hope in anything.

Countless times a brilliant ray brightens our face,
Only to be blotted out by such a dark cloud -
That no matter how fast we run, how quick our pace,
It quenches our spirit with a gloomy shroud.

When nothing is right and everything seems off,
Time and time again, we make ourselves rigid.
Until something comes along, that makes us soft,
And making us forget being weak and timid.

Then one day, the realization sets in,
Our lives become monotone and clinical.
So everything is easier, with apathy we win.
We realize we've become comfortably cynical.

By looking at everything with no expectations,
We quickly learn that nobody can disappoint.
No boundaries, no feelings, no realizations,
We say to ourselves, what's the point?

Music

Always surrounded, never fades. Fills your head in countless ways. With thoughts and sounds, concepts and truths. Songs for all occasions, faces, memories. Music comprises your soul and heart. Every aspect of life is defined by this gift. Walking to an increadible beat or humming such a beautiful verse. Life's okay, despite its pain. Because this harmony will carry through the toughest ride. So listen and keep track of the faintest beat. Holding on to it even while your hearing fades. Fainter and Fainter, the beat grows weak. Someone whose soul is music, doomed to be deaf. Time will pass on and memories wil fade, until sound is forgotten. Then the despair, will sink in and crush. What's left of the soul? There's definately not much. Until nothing's left to push you deeper. Then all of a sudden, an eerie peace. For if you're at the bottom, there's nothing left to lose. For the first time in ages, sleep sets in. Upon waking up its a most beautiful day. Everything's brighter, tastier, better. Slowly climbing, day by day. Out of the hole - happy as can be. Until the next time - when a soul is crushed. Life just plays out that way. Day by day, year by year, moment by moment.

Relief

Relief. Take a deep breath. Put the past behind. Strive for a better tomorrow. Breathe. Don't forget to look forward. Too much going on to take in at once. Smile. Not nearly as lonely as once thought. Lots of love overpowers negativity. Whats done is done. Relax. Wake up and look at everyone around. Never alone. Always in good hands. Move. progress through life, never swaying, never falling, and never abandoned.

-D

Wake up

Wake up. Hard to breathe. Suddenly immersed underneath. A great foggy haze, where nothing's quite right. Flashing memories and glimpses of reality. Nervous laughter and restless sleep. One drink too many, too many hours behind. Where once was a fully conscious entity, only a shell remains. Hollowed eyes and shorter breaths. Living to slowly waste away. Wake up. Get out of this fog. So much potential. Such a beautiful person. Wake up. Lets get out with each other. Hand in hand until we escape this thing. Until the sky is clearer and our eyes are clear. Wake up. Get out of this loop. Before its too late. And opportunity is lost. Clear head and healthy eyes. The fog is lifting - confusion rests. So wake up and look around. What once was dead is still there. Everyone's waiting, that holds you in their hearts. So hand in hand, let's go and greet them. For what was once lost was just found again. Wake up and find our peace.

Click and Clank

Click Clank.

The room is spinning around your glass.
Nobody here to stop you,
We need encouragement instead of rest.
Click Clank.
Another shot for all.
Keep drinking it round and letting them down
There's nothing to do but fall.
Click Clank.
Spinning round and round.
The whole of your existence
Flushed into the ground.
Click Clank.
We're calling out the beast.
Nothing left to throw away
Good stories to tell at least.
Click Clank.
Our lives are slowly wearing down.
Demons that dwell in our minds.
Glasses raised, we shoot them out.
Click Clank.

Just observe

Just sit and observe
The atrocities in life.
Friends fighting friends,
things never seem right.
Everything collapses,
Things gone awry.
But to us who just watch,
We can see the big lie.
They take it for granted,
The things that they have.
Hurting those who are close,
They keep on pushing
Until they go too far,
And ruin what they had.
I always observe,
The atrocities we bring.
No hurt or pain conserved,
The winner is lost.
So I just sit and observe,
Thes troubling things.
Helpless and useless,
To amend or protect.
So just sit and observe
And hope you can learn
We all affect each other
For good or for worse.

At first glance,
Time is such a wonderful thing
Taking tragedies and pain
Burying them deep and far.
Recovery, growth, enlightenment.
But at what cost to us
Does time bring in exchange?
We lay here blind to the fact
That we’re speeding
100 miles an hour in the dark
Completely blind to the future.
As time heals it also breaks down
Running out of gas, nothing in sight.
It disorients us to once vivid thoughts
Lost in the wilderness and no way back.
The great mystery of what happens
When the time is up.
Cliffs all around, the brakes are out.
But then so suddenly, the suspense is up.
Clarity sinks in. Life is beautiful.
But then, out of nowhere, it carries us back
Into the dark, lost and confused.
But for the lucky, there is a bright spot
Where they sit and wait.
For time to carry them home.
So time is a strange thing.
That is both a gift and a curse
But in reality, time is merely a medium
In which we all travel.
No favorites or special treatment.
5 billion class C travelers.
The only difference
In this terrifying journey,
Is in your head.

Free

Oh what great a gift it is
To be free of you
And all of your chains.
To live life with certainty,
Being Happy with myself.
Oh the joy of waking up.
To look up and smile,
And be free from shame.
No more guessing,
The answer is clear.
I’m free from your hell,
No longer so near.
So I’ve learned to love
And learned to live.
But I have also learned
How to heal and be free.
So I’ll never forget
The times we have shared.
But I do not regret
Where life has taken me.
So I wish you the best
But I no longer care
What you wish of me.
For I am now free.

Pushing it.

Pushing it.
Sleeplessness and parties.
Bruised.
Physically and Mentally.
Healing;
Worth much more.
I look up and see comfort.
When before I saw nothing.
So I keep pushing it.
Seeing where I go.
Just one more week left.
Thousands of miles and dollars.
Living my life and pushing my boundaries.
So I've let loose in every which way.
And I finally realize,
That I am completely free.
To sit here and torture,
Thinking of what's lost.
Or to keep moving and learning.
That Life is not lost.
So I will pick the latter
From this day on out.
Because life is worth too much
To dwell on one thought.
So tonight I will keep
Pushing myself hard.
So I do not repeat
My past nightmares.
I fight in my head,
Thoughts of things that were.
But today I have won.
My civil war.
So I keep pushing.
Until nothing is left,
Except for myself
And nothing else.

Another year passed.

Tic Toc .
Another year passed.
nineteen going on twenty.
lots has changed.
lots has remained.
Coming out of spring,
Much stronger than before.
A new season and a new year
In this confusing life.
Irresponsible at times,
Dependable at others.
Friends have stayed true.
Others have dropped out.
So this year I will celebrate,
All the people in my life:
That I care about,
And that care about me.
So Tic Toc
Time continues to move.
A new season awaits
And new situations will occur.
I look forward, finally releasing the past.
I just hope that everyone,
will be able to see
That I am still myself.
Although a little shakey,
I have found my personality again.
On and off, It grows stronger now.
All are welcome, into my heart,
That accept this and want to celebrate
Time as it moves on.

Cannot grasp

I write things;
Messages, blogs, journals.
Because it documents
Emotion.
Feeling.
Thoughts.
But there’s something
That I cannot seem to grasp.
This metaphysical leash,
Attached to my heart.

That’s keeping me from

Enjoying things fully.
It’s a severed string,
Barely anything left.
That I try so hard to break,
Live.
Learn.
Forget.
But then I remember,
Why that string ever attached.
The things said,
The things done,
And it almost makes it worth,
All that has passed.
This is merely a sample,
Of my thoughts circling,
Through my heart and my head.
But I am left a rock,
With no room to trust.
Until this string is broken,
Or securely reattached.

With glimmering hope.

Life has gone on,
With this declining hope.
Day by day by day,
Trudging along.
Enthusiasm lost,
Humor destroyed.
It's all been serious,
Exhaustingly overwhelming.
Looking back on the past,
Anticipating the future.
Roaming through the present,
With no mind of what to do.
But life went on,
And things draw to an end.
Realization sinks in.
Almost there.
Looking at accomplishments,
Through this troubling time.
There's a glimmering hope,
That things will be fine.
So keep trudging on,
Towards this new idea.
The splendid thought,
That the past is so distraught:
That things will improve
That life will progress.
So keep trudging on.
With this new glimmering hope.

Flowing throughout.

This present anxiety,
Like nails on a chalkboard.
The screeching sound,
A terrible product of friction.
Nervous habits,
Nervous laughter.
Laughing
When logic screams solemn.

This gnawing anxiety,

Shaking all over.
Unsure of what to do,
Unsure of what to say.
Thoughts
Flowing like water,
Into a bottomless chasm.
Rubbing away,
Creating a schism.
This throbbing anxiety,
Blacking out thoughts.
Scared to reply,
Scared to ignore.
This wicked anxiety,
Consuming it's prey.

Take a deep breath.

Take a deep breath, and let it all out.
The smoke curls around my nose, repungent and vile.
Sleepless and drained, I lay in pieces.
My heart still loves, but I couldn't keep up.
I do not hate or feel regret.
I say the truth and that's it.
So I lay here, moving day by day.
There is a slight relief, knowing I won't be torn anymore.
When you hit the bottom, there's that one comfort.
So I lay here, moving day by day.
Unwilling to hate or feel any more anger.
I just sit here and wait, for the pieces to pick up.
Fear is a strange thing.
It eats away and makes us angry.
Bad things said, bad things done.
When you just wanted to help, the hurt goes deeper.
So I lay here, with the filthy smoke curling around my nose.
With no hate or resentment.
Just calm defeat.

As I look to the sky.

I look up to the sky, not always knowing what waits there.

Our existence argues perfection, way up through the air.

Oh God, I cry, show me yourself.

Cast a light into the dark.

Through doubt and through grief.

Through good and through bad.

Grant me the faith I once had.

Many of us wonder, what lies behind the night sky.

We look up into the heavens and sometimes we cry.

For this doubt is so great, we have no clue.

How we could lose faith in you, yet you show through.

With every child born and every act of love.

We turn our backs and continue to shove.

The lights go off, and we’re in the dark.

I want to cry out and beg for another start.

So my God, show yourself again.

So that you could fill my heart.

Wipe out doubt, and misery, and hate.

Give me hope before it’s too late.

I look up in the sky, not knowing what’s there.

And I pray these things, but also to share.

With all that don’t know, or refuse to state.

That something more could be up there.

So I look to the sky, with tears full of grief.

And I pray all these things, upon a falling leaf.


-D

Loneliness is key.

Just keep turning it,
It all means nothing
You play your games.
Love me.
Love me not.
Loneliness is the key.
To feeling better.
Right?
Lets get close,
Then run away.
I'm here to help
So you lock me out.
Life's not fair,
So push away.
Cause' loneliness is key.
I didn't give up.
So you got scared.
Push it deep.
I'm almost gone
I love you truly.
So run away.
Life's about you
Keeping your emotions
Locked up tight.
I didn't leave you,
so pretend you like:
The things I do,
The places we go.
Then when we're close at night
Just turn it deep.
I didn't quit,
So you threw it in.
Nothing mattered;
It was all a lie.
Just keep turning it,
The blade goes deep.
Loneliness is key,
to sorting it out.
Wisdom,
Truth,
Loyalty,
Make you shout.
Just keep turning it now.
Almost there.
you're pushing me out.
you know how.
it's like before.
only not so hard.
I didn't quit
So you gotta slit,
The one thing that stays
Through good and through bad.
Just keep turning it in.
Just keep turning it deep.
Keep running away.
Loneliness is key.

Pleading with yourself.

Flash. The news is delivered. All hopes and dreams are shattered. Begging. Pleading until you are out of breath. What happened cannot be changed. You beg with logic, trying to change it's mind. Anger. You accuse, shout. Your reasoning is the same. You cannot accept this. Not now. Distracting. You bring everything up. The good and the bad. Nothing can distract this now. It is in a corner, ready to spring. The slow realization of defeat is sinking in. Your stomach starts to go first. Nausea. The sinking feeling that cannot be fixed. Your mouth is watering, but you hold it back. Life is spinning in circles. Balance. You fall to the ground. Logic has left you and so has dignity. It spins faster now. Blood. Rushes through your head. You hear your pulse beating through your ears. Physical and mental collapse draw closer. Denial. Running now. Hoping it was a dream. You cannot focus on anything. This world has just ended and you were not ready. Ravaged. You lose all hope.

This was just an experience I had a while ago, I'm fine though. It's just something I wanted to write down before I forget about it. -David

Shaped by our surroundings.

Society seems to be crumbling. There is no honor anymore. People do not look out for each other. Where the worst that could happen in a situation at one point in time would be a little fight or scuffle, it now almost always ends up with an ambulance rushing a gun-victim to the hospital, or worse yet - the morgue. One must ask themselves ... "how have we gotten like this?"

I was born 18 years ago in a small town in Pennsylvania. I was lucky, in a way, to be born into a very large, close, and strong family. I was raised by everyone in my family. I was a very sickly kid, so everyone took care of me. I spent most of my early childhood confined to the house, where I was exposed to adults, their conversations, and their wisdom much more than other healthy kids of my age.

I quickly learned to observe things, actions, and their impact on their surroundings. A lot of my knowledge and wisdom was quickly shattered when I was at an age where I could be alone. My learning curve was quickly shunted and instead, I was left to spend many hours with a television. T.V., although entertaining, could never captivate my attention. The moment I began to get healthy enough to venture away from the house, my imagination had grown larger than the cheap broadcasting offered to me.

It was not until later years that I realized how saturated the average person's life is. I was born into a society raped over and over again by the relentless barrage of information being pumped into our every orifice. Cell phones quickly pushed our need to be connected to a constant 24 hours a day 7 days a week status. Our day has been split up so much that we actually have a need to abbreviate 3 and 4 letter words.

Today, I found myself checking the news on three different sites, texting someone, and having two simultaneous conversations over AIM. All of this was going on in the background while I was studying for a midterm. Our minds have become accustomed to constant stimulation. Thought, reflection, meditation, and relaxation are terms that died with my parent's generation.

We are a generation of constant change, instant gratification, short term memory, skewed priorities, and selfishness that our parents and grandparents could not even fathom.

So why are our tempers so short? Why do we ignore terrible things happening to others? Because we're too preoccupied with ourselves, we're expecting a phone call, expecting a text, our time has been so carefully divided that we do not have any left to think about what we are doing. If you sit down and analyze your typical day, you quickly realize that you're pissing away most of your life.

We are pacifying ourselves, being blind to the fact that we carry the responsibility for change.

Ask yourself why you believe and act the way you do. Talk to other people and find out what they think and believe. While people in our society still have the capacity to think, go out and stimulate that one thing that separates us from other animals.