Inner Calm

Today is new.
Armed with an inner calm
With steady hands
With quiet eyes.
Quietly completing tasks
Checking off a list
Until all of it is done.
Today is new.
Yet things have not changed
For there are many more lists
And fewer days to finish.
The lamp is just about out of fuel.
The spark getting dim.
These steady hands
Diligantly working away
This inner calm
More frightening than the storm
That rages on inside
Behind those quiet eyes
Patiently checking off a list.

Step by Step

Step by step, closer to your goals
Accomplishing just to achieve.
Armed with an uncanny textbook wit
This academic joy ride at an end.
Thrust into the wild
Uncertain and Huge
Life's little lessons
Life's little mistakes
All yours for the picking
For better
For worse
Step by step, closer to your goas
Faithfully we leap
Into the uncertain.

Crumbling delusions

Happiness and joy
Running wild and rampant
Freedom to breathe
This kingdom of will.
Built around a keystone
Of delusion and lies

At first just a crack
Thin as hair
Along the edge
Just a minor dissapointment
A daylong setback
Filled with introspection
Emptied with tears.

The foundation is strong
Happiness still exists
Though the fracture continues
To grow and web out.
Second guesses
Along with some doubts
But all is well
Delusional and bliss

Time moves on
For good and for bad
The crack remains
Like a sore in your mouth
A subtle reminder
Of buried emotion
And hidden memories

Pieces fall off
The foundation is weak
These crumbling delusions
Once a beautiful wall
Protecting. Comforting. Relieving.
Now a heap of ruins
Choking on dust
Of the past regrets
These crumbling delusions
Too weak to deceive.

Naked and alone
Exposed to thought
Weathered by experience
Hardened by necessity
Crumbling delusions
Of happiness
Of safety.

Such is this life
With nothing to blame
But these childish thoughts
Juvenile dreams
Fundamentally flawed
And tragically ended.

Shuffle and Repeat

Shuffle and repeat
These events in life.
Decisions. Emotions. Outcomes.
Sifting through like clockwork.
Popping up and reminding;
That we don't change
Deep inside
We're helpless to resist;
How we act
What we say
Just electricity flashing
Inside our empty heads
We're on shuffle and repeat
Cause people don't change.
They just follow the pattern
That is set too soon.
But then there is hope
Of something new
To break the cycle
Destroy the machine.
Life takes hold,
Meaning comes back.
Shuffle and Repeat.
It leaves you behind
Only to wait once again
For another short glimpse
A new sign of sorts
For a brief burst of bliss
A smile perhaps?
Or even a kiss.
But Shuffle and Repeat
Once again to disappoint.
Familiarity sinks in.
Loneliness and deceit.

Wishing for catastrophe
Waiting for the end of days.
Wanting something bad to come.
Life's too short, but way too long.
Hoping for a way to say
How I feel inside today
Hate how i feel this way
Numb. Conquered. Finished.
Spiral down towards dismay
Sitting. Wishing. Waiting
Life's too short, but way too long.

As you're staring at the sun.

I went to the beach today. It was very very hot - but enjoyable. After copious amounts of fun the night before it was def. fun to just float; Tomorrow my escapade to Charleston will end and I get to go back to the drudgery of poverty, physical therapy, and moving out of my apartment. Then I start school and who knows from there. This trip has been worth it though, I have gotten a chance to catch up with some good friends and also to relax and reset my mind. Hopefully this next year will be kinder to me than the last two. I don't think I can handle too many more shenanigans in my life at this point. I think this is the first blog in years I've just documented things. Go figure. --D

Oh lonely summer.

Long days and longer nights - sleeping, laughing, writing, and listening. Hot sun followed by bright moonlight. Summer days sweeping by, like sand on a windy day. Sunrises and Sunsets. Awake at all hours. What more could I ask for? Life is so beautiful and unique. I only wish I had someone to share it with.

FUCK.

Numb again.

Progression. Beginning. Ending. Living for nothing. Thoughts swirling all around in a fucked up rhythm. Scared of change. Scared of the past. Scared of monotony. Consequences all around. Running down the bottle and ashing out the window. Restless nights until life just goes numb.

Hazy

With an average of 3 hours a night of sleep for the last couple of weeks, life has gotten somewhat hazy. I don't sleep because my shoulder hurts, so I drink coffee, write, and lurk around the innards of of the internet late into the night when most people are dreaming away. Sappy as it sounds, I wish there was someone out there I could spend a day with taking naps and watching movies together. A little vacation from lonliness so to speak. Unfortunately I just have unfriendly electrical signals shooting down the nerves in my arm to keep me company. Something in my life feels terribly wrong. It is that gut feeling that something bad is going on constantly screaming in the back of your head. I only wish gut feelings werent so ambiguous and I knew what it was. Until that discovery I'll probably work on some writings and be posting them up and around here. Cheers.

Beautiful

What a beautiful thing
To say what you think
to someone.
That does not judge
That does not joke
Who simply..
Understands.
The thing that drives,
Someone to strive
to better them self
Inside
Outside
And in between.
Oh, what a beautiful thing,
To meet someone
That sees your level.
For who you are.
By actions
By thoughts
By memories.

Apocalypse

lpyDavid King
Religion 371
4/23/08
Times End
At first glance,
Time is such a wonderful thing.
Taking tragedies and pain,
Occurring throughout life
Burying them deep and far
Into the depth of the past.
Recovery, growth, enlightenment.
But at what cost to us
Does time bring in exchange?
We lay here blind to the fact
That we’re speeding
100 miles an hour into the dark
Completely blind to the future.
As time heals it also breaks down
Running out of gas, nothing in sight.
It disorients us to once vivid thoughts
Lost in the wilderness and no way back.
The great mystery of what happens
When the time is up.
Cliffs all around, the brakes are out.
The bridge crumbles
Between two mountaintops
Careening into an abyss
With fire all around
Blinding terror
Fills into our heads.
The nervous fear of judgment
Weighing our souls,
Probing our minds.
Tumbling downwards,
Everything slows down.
Experiences, decisions, actions
Disassemble piece by piece.
Until nothing is left
But an empty shell.
Then transformation occurs
The broken pieces restructure
Into a hearty summation
Of an entire life.
The good and the bad
But then so suddenly, the suspense is up,
The terror is gone.
A new being exists,
Where the old shell once sat.
Clarity sinks in. Life is beautiful.
But then, out of nowhere, it carries us back
Into the dark, lost and confused.
But for the perceptive, there is a bright spot
Where they sit and wait.
For time to carry them home.
Into a new existence
Of understanding and peace.
So time is a strange thing.
That is both a gift and a curse
But in reality, time is merely a medium
In which we all travel.
Closer to our eternity,
What ever it may be.
Reliving our life
Closer to our judgment.
No favorites or special treatment.
5 billion class C travelers.
Careening through existence
The only difference
Is this terrifying journey,
Is in your head.
You finally hit the bottom
Of the darkened abyss.
Realization sinks in,
You’ve figured it out.
Lifelong mysteries and questions
Answered in whole
And then,
At the peak of this knowledge
Followed by Nothing.